Ambrose Evans-Pritchard

By GERALD CARROLL
geraldcarroll@hotmail.com

Like the guy you see on the street carrying a hand-scrawled sign that reads “Repent!” or “The End Is Near!,” Ambrose Evans-Pritchard is at it again.

John McCain

By GERALD CARROLL
geraldcarroll@hotmail.com

Oops. Something happened to the Democrats on the way to the White House. They’ve been exposed as the radical, socialist thugs they really are. The same criminals who looted Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac, Lehman Brothers and AIG are the same ones who now run Barack Obama’s presidential campaign.

Barack Obama

By GERALD CARROLL
geraldcarroll@hotmail.com

Team Obama has the football on Team McCain’s 1-yard line, first down, goal to go, near the end of the fourth quarter. The game is a scoreless tie. Team Obama is about to score the winning touchdown as time is winding down.

Sarah Palin

By GERALD CARROLL
geraldcarroll@hotmail.com

So, the out-of-wedlock, underage baby thing with her daughter just went away after only a day. On top of that, the fiancé was flown out from Alaska to be with his pregnant-bride-to-be and everything was again very much under control.

Sarah Palin

News that Republican presidential candidate John McCain’s already-curious choice of Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin as vice-presidential running mate has a 17-year-old unmarried pregnant daughter threatens to hand the election to the Democrats and Sen. Barack Obama.

Hurricane Gustav

Unlike Katrina in 2005, the center of Hurricane Gustav will pass New Orleans to the west, which means the eye of the storm will move past New Orleans to the west. Why is this so important?

Sarah Palin

By GERALD CARROLL
geraldcarroll@hotmail.com

The choice of Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin (pronounced Pay-lin) as the vice-presidential running mate of Republican nominee John McCain is the most brilliant stroke in the history of American electoral politics.

Barack Obama

By GERALD CARROLL
geraldcarroll@hotmail.com

Well, the big speech is over and Osama bin Barack … uh, I mean Barack bin Laden … oops, I mean Barack Obama has thrown out the gauntlet to the Republicans and the elderly John McCain.

Jimmy Carter

By GERALD CARROLL
geraldcarroll@hotmail.com

First up, the worst president in living memory, Jimmy Carter, who in 1976-80 did so much damage to US relationships with Iran that it threatens a nuclear holocaust today. Next, the nearly brain-dead Sen. Ted Kennedy, D-Mass., who is battling cancer. Throw in Barack Obama’s wife Michelle (hey, her kids really need to be in school right now) and you have a mix of losers and a cast of clowns.

Joseph Biden

By GERALD CARROLL
geraldcarroll@hotmail.com

The camp of presumed Republican nominee John McCain is rejoicing after it was prematurely leaked late Friday night that Sen. Joseph Biden, R-Del., has been selected as the vice-presidential running mate for presumed Democratic candidate for President, Barack Obama.

John Edwards

By GERALD CARROLL
geraldcarroll@hotmail.com

Former U.S. Sen. John Edwards, D-N.C., is now disgraced as an adulterer and possible father of mistress Rielle Hunter’s baby. But why now? If it happened in 2006, how could Edwards run for President with a straight face, and deceive everyone around him?

This guy reminds us all that the Chinese, yes, invented the magnetic compass and revolutionized maritime navigation.

This opening-ceremonies scene says it all: The Chinese were No. 1 4,000 years ago and they are No. 1 again in 2008.

President Bush

By GERALD CARROLL
geraldcarroll@hotmail.com

The war in Iraq will go down as the greatest military victory in history. President Bush will be remembered as one of the most courageous and steadfast leaders to have ever lived and served, and the US is poised to roar back to global prominence despite the petty dictators and religious ankle-biters still taking potshots at Americans the world over.

John D. Rockefeller

By GERALD CARROLL
geraldcarroll@hotmail.com

What is happening now is what steelmaker Andrew Carnegie, banker J.P. Morgan and oilman John D. Rockefeller prevented from happening in the early 20th century. Only now, there’s nothing to stop it because nobody knows how it began, and nobody has the perspective to know what to do.