Hello! Project girls are physical miracles

Saki of Berryz Kobo, left, clearly wears a leg-length wraparound on an injured left leg and knee during the 'Battle Concert' with °C-ute in April 2008.

From time to time, some fans get the idea they can emulate Morning Musume or Hello! Project. From some posted videos I've seen on YouTube and other sites, such attempts are admirable, but often tough to watch. For those wanting to try their hand at putting together their own Momusu-style act, please note the following:

Check out some of the Momusu wannabes on YouTube; there are a few. As for emulating what H!P does, good luck! As a former music teacher who has had dance groups, etc., I can tell you that singing and dancing at the same time is staggeringly hard. Further, look at any of the °C-ute, Berryz or Morning Musume DVDs. Notice how all the girls have their heads up and looking straight ahead, so when they move around, they're almost doing it blind. How they avoid colliding defies Newtonian physics. And they sing on top of all that, and the songs are extremely complex. Their collective skills are astonishing.

Saki Shimizu of Berryz Kobo, a recent knee-brace wearer during a live concert.

I don't want to dissuade you, but get a couple of the most recent DVDs and study them very closely and encourage your friends to do the same. You'll need some professional dance training; almost all H!P singers have it. All the Eggs have ballet, and I mean brutal militaristic ballet training, in their background, and it shows. Just look at THE Possible and Canaria Club videos; these are kids as young as 9 or 10 just dancing and singing the lights out. In my view, few kids in the States can match these girls in raw physicality, training, and apparent 24/7 commitment to what they do.

In short, they pay for stardom with their childhood and, sometimes, their health.

***The biggest first step is studying the moves. One starting point might be to take solo efforts like what Kusumi does and try and match up with that first, then move on to the groups. But I warn you, °C-ute and Berryz are off the charts for kids their age in terms of big-time, hardball experience in major arenas surrounded by screaming fans with massive and complex sound systems. Lights glare into your eyes at all times. Note they wear those special earplugs, which are tied to little receiving-monitor packets attached to their costumes. The crowds are so loud that's the only way they can hear the monitors. Not to mention they are football-fields apart in some dances.

Eri Kamei of Morning Musume: Big-time painful leg troubles, November 2006 concert.

***Injury is likely, almost certain. Unless you're a flyweight boxer or have formal gymnastics training, you will develop very sore ankles and knees. In Berryz' most recent concerts, Saki wore a fleshtone knee brace; in a Momusu concert in November 2006, Eri Kamei did the same. You have to really look closely to see such wrappings (the trainers try to match the skin color as closely as they can), but they are there. With HDMI enhancement of current DVDs, I have noticed tiny bruises, scars and scrapes all over the dancers. Sayu of Morning Musume and Maimi of °C-ute have bruised upper arms, and legs, much of the time, probably from just banging into the other girls during rehearsal.

***Feet get busted up routinely. I saw this graphically portrayed on both AKB48 concert DVDs' backstage clips. Girls were getting treated for blistering and ankle problems, right in the middle of the show as soon as they got off the stage, and it was filmed for the world to see. Try dancing fast, sideways -- while wearing pumps, boots and heels. It is no fun. The tennis shoes you'll wear will only be used, mostly, by the Eggs. Kanna of °C-ute has missed most of spring 2009 with turf toe, usually a football injury.

***Another hazard: proximity. In several Morning Musume singles they performed in the July 29 H!P concert, the ones with the gold-glitter costumes, they were packed very close together and can easily poke each other in the eyes with their waving arms. Last year, Nono fell off a stage and broke her leg during a concert and was out of action for months. This is precisely what shortened singer/actress Ann-Margaret’s career when, years ago, she fell off a Las Vegas stage and was almost killed.

Tsuji “Nono” Nozomi: Severe broken leg in 2006, then a new mom and out of action for awhile.

***Endurance ranks high. Note that in almost every °C-ute, Berryz or Momusu concert, they're going to do sets of three straight songs and be sprinting all over the arena or stage, climbing up and down stairs, racing left and right, fist-pumping like all get-out and yelling lyrics the entire time. Try it. You'll be gassed halfway through the first song. They just take their time and pace themselves, but you'd never know it by watching and listening. I'm used to seeing DVD after DVD of this, and I'm not surprised that they're in tears half the time after they're done. You might think it's just reacting to the fans emotionally but, trust me, it's sheer exhaustion. Mari Yaguchi once said she would just lay in a tub of water for hours after the beating an arena concert would dish out to her. Check out the old DVDs. Yaguchi jumped around like a leprechaun on meth for two solid hours and was one of the strongest voices out there, night after night, for years. Her endurance can be attributed mostly to her "playing weight," 86 pounds, and she stood a teensy-weensy 4-foot-9, about the size of most 10-year-olds.

***Check the backstage clips on any of the H!P DVDs. Look closely at the girls as they come in after a song. They might smile for the backstage camera, but they have just churned out yet another number, and probably were more queasy than happy. Costume changes? I counted six during one recent Berryz concert, and they're never easy. Their skin can easily get carved up by sequins or other props. Look closely and you can see that they all wear what appear to be transparent mylar upper-body protectors underneath their costumes so their chests don't get rubbed raw with the constant, churning movement. Women hockey players wear similar harnesses.

I can appreciate anyone's enthusiasm, but if you think this is Hannah Montana-type soft-shoe, you're in for a shock. You need to realize what you are attempting. And, contrary to popular belief, it is the physical demands that force these girls to eventually retire, or drastically scale back a la the soon-to-be-graduated Elder Club, as they enter their early 20s – not necessarily because they cease being so cute.

This is Rad♂ signing off -- for now.